If you ever get a pain in your abdomen that wakes you up in the middle of the night with a feeling like that one scene in Alien, you really shouldn’t just ignore it. Especially when it gets progressively worse. If you wake up with a feeling like that, you should get your ass in the car and rush to the emergency room, because when your appendix does burst, you’re going to know what hell really feels like. And the pain and agony are going to last so damn long that you won’t feel like doing anything for a month. At least.
Today is my birthday. And don’t [PLEASE DO NOT] email me and wish me a happy birthday (if you want to do something nice for me, Paypal me some spending money or send me a Starbucks gift card).
At this very moment there is a room full of my “friends” on the other side of my bedroom door. My girlfriend decided it would be fun to have a surprise party for me. When I got home from work (dog tired, by the way), I opened the door only to be screamed at by a bunch of people who you could probably best say that I “tolerate.” Who came up with surprise parties anyway? The only people who enjoy these things are the morons hiding behind your couch trying not to giggle too loud when they hear your key in the lock.
I should really go back out there…
The doctor says I can start running again. Where the hell did I put my shoes?