June 10
Some days you get a lot done and, I don’t know, you feel like a productive member of society. (Sounds like something my dad would have said.) But some days you just get one thing done, maybe even a little thing, and it makes such a huge difference in your entire life.
I finally got around to setting up my computer so that I can’t see the time in the upper right hand corner every minute, every second, of every day.
Such joy I did not think possible…
Man 1: Hey, pal, what time is it?
Man 2: Gee, buddy, I’m not really sure.
Man 1: Don’t you wear a watch?
Man 2: Nope.
Man 1: How about checking your cell phone? You have one of those, right?
Man 2: It’s on the kitchen counter, charging…
Man 1: …And you’re not gonna get up to get it?
Man 2: I’m not gonna get up to get it.
Man 1: But your computer says the time.
Man 2: Nope. I disabled that feature.
Man 1: Well, you’re now the most useless man on the planet.
Man 2: Does that mean you’re going to stop bothering me?
- End Scene -
Man 2 in the above scene will be played by me. Man 1 will be played by everyone else in the entire world.
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June 11
I love spam email and let me tell you why: I can delete it without a second thought, without a moment’s hesitation. I don’t have to respond, it doesn’t create any more work for me. I don’t even have to read it. I love the feeling of deleting a dozen spam emails in the morning. “Well,” I say to me, “That’s done. If I don’t get anything else done today, at least I took care of those twelve emails. Good job, me!”
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June 12
Another thing I love, Caller ID.
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) AT&T. (Clicks ‘ignore’)
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) PG&E. (Clicks ‘ignore’)
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) Bank of America. (Clicks ‘ignore’)
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) John Stern. The big boss man. (Clicks ‘ignore’)
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) Mom. (Clicks ‘ignore’)
RINNNNNNGGGG…
Man 2: Wonder who that could be. (Checks Caller ID) Tori Malatea. (Man 2’s bookie).
Long Pause as Man 2 checks the baseball scores on ESPN.com.
Man 2 Smiles.
Man 2: YO! Tory, my main mammajamma. WHAZZUP!
- End Scene -
